this is a personal project inspired by the stockpile of nerf weapons and ammunition amassed by a few coworkers, which was quickly taking over the supply cabinet. with all that firepower, the staff needed formal training. i collaborated with some fellow sympathizers to create the training manual—the initial concept called for a full photo shoot and design layout. unfortunately plans were thwarted by actual work. but we sure had a good time concepting it.

Section 1 - Introduction.
This agency and its parties of allegiance have always made hostile takeover of profitable accounts and talented human resources mission 1. Direct retaliation to these practices is to be anticipated; lately however there has been a tremendous increase in frequency and severity of such insurgence. In light of these events, the collective leadership of this agency feels left with no choice, but to implement aggressive defense solutions. Under guidance from the most highly skilled and knowledgeable weapons experts in the Northern Hemisphere, we’ve assembled an arsenal of NERF weapons and ammunition capable of generating more destruction than any life form could endure. To be clear, this carefully curated stockpile is for defense purposes only. But if the appropriate time comes to resort to these measures, we encourage you to act swiftly, and with lethal ferocity.

Section 2 - Threat Levels. Read them. Know them. Live Them. 
Gin. Threat level is low. Remain calm, but alert. 
Mimosa. Mildly elevated threat level. Ensure that stations are being manned and conference rooms are clear of suspicious packages. Secure food rations and boxed wine. 
Whisky. Moderate threat level. Post armed sentinels at all exits and large windows. 
Margarita. Threat level is high. Arm yourself appropriately (see section 3 – Weapons Storage Bunker). Make sure all pets and web developers are inside the building. Lockdown exits and confiscate key fobs from freelancers. 
Merlot. Threat level: Apocalypse. This is the moment you have been trained for. Pile all available office furniture against windows and doors. Gather as much extreme weaponry and ammunition as you can carry. Convene in the kitchen to protect the keep, and consume all rations. Be prepared to take any means necessary to avoid letting food, boxed wine, or executives fall into enemy hands.

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Section 3. Weapons Storage Bunker
Codename: LAWROOM
Formerly "the supply cabinet nearest the copier, with extra notepads and the good pens everybody likes", LAWROOM is now home to our entire stock of weaponry. It is also equipped with a state of the art Aptitude Identification System. When time is of the essence, AIS will help guide you to the correct weaponry and ammunition. Each weapons bin is labeled with a self-identification statement. Upon reading all statements, choose the one that best describes you personally and open the bin to find your appropriate weapon. These statements are included here; take a moment now and consider which bin would suit you, if the moment were upon us. For the good of yourself and others, please be frank in your consideration. 

Bin 1. Elton John
You spent your morning lint-rolling the drapes. You then fired off a cheeky IM to your desk-neighbor about the alarming amount of ice cream you ate during last night’s episode of Girls. 
Bin 2. Toby Maguire
You don’t mind a crisp slap in the face, as long as it’s open-hand. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose as long as everyone has a nice time. After a hard days work, there’s nothing quite as soothing as a warm bubble bath. 
Bin 3. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
You look just a bit tougher than you are. You drink seaweed-protein smoothies after 3 hours in the gym. Guys want to be you, but won’t admit it. You’d never wear cotton that wasn’t organic, but you’d still look damn good if you did. 
Bin 4. Jillian Michaels
You fear nothing. You freshen up using industrial-grade bleach. Servings of Wild Turkey are measured in liters. You wear a bathrobe of living wolves. You once ate a piece of driftwood and shit out a chess set.  

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